1. Shhh:

• Noise and running around is frowned upon. Speaking on public transport is minimal – talking on phones on buses and trains is not permitted; walls in ryokans are literally paper thin; signs in public places discourage running or even rushing.
• Japanese children are not necessarily always well-behaved, but any rebellious natures are somehow expressed more quietly than my boisterous boys could manage. Everyone we met was courteously tolerant and pretended not to mind.
• With consideration for others a fundamental cultural value, Tokyo parents I met even went to the extent of avoiding taking their children on public transport at all. Despite this, the Japanese are extremely tolerant of foreigners and their children who haven’t quite got to grips with the cultural norms.
• On every metro journey I made without exception, commuters immediately offered their seats for my boys and me, and exchanging smiles with the kids opened up friendly conversation.

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2. Avoid laces!

• I spent an inordinate amount of time lacing and unlacing my 5-year-old’s shoes. Avoid shoes with laces at all costs! Shoes will be on and off when you visit open houses, enter a ryokan, pass the threshold of an izakaya (pub), or even at certain tables at breakfast in your hotel.
• On the other hand, I made the mistake of taking the children’s slippers with me… Save yourself the space in your luggage as they are provided at nearly every hotel.

3. Eat up:

• Eating in public places, while walking along the street and on public transport (apart from on Shinkansens) is viewed dimly.
• If buying food at a stall, the norm is to eat it there and hand the wrapper back to the storeholder.
• If our boys got hungry in between meals while we were out and about, they had to wait until we found an appropriate place to stop and have a snack.

4. Five a day:

• Fresh fruit and vegetables are hard to come by in Japan. When you feel your kids need their fresh 5 a day, you can find fruit at supermarkets (a visit to which is a cultural experience in itself).
• Fruit is sold individually wrapped and at extortionate prices, to the extent that it is often given as a gift when visiting friends. The large peaches, when in season, and giant apples are invariably delicious.

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5. Cutting edge:

• While most restaurants provide a spoon and fork for children, smaller stands will only have disposable chopsticks. It’s worth carrying a spork with you for the kids.

6. Sitting pretty:

• Child seats are not always available in restaurants. Carrying a portable, material child seat attachment that can fit onto normal chairs can work well for the very young.
• Traditional izikayas (restaurants) have low tables with seating on the floor on cushions – this avoids the issue of finding a child seat, but not of them crawling under the table… There are often specific sections within izakayas where families are placed together to avoid inconveniencing others.

7. No can do: 

• A certain lack of flexibility applies to services. Requests for deviation are met with a polite but firm shake of the head (such as child portions or omissions of certain ingredients). Food intolerances are hard to cater for, although dairy and wheat are largely absent from standard Japanese dishes. Vegetarians may find surprises in the most seemingly innocuous of meals.

8. Minimum age:

• A few onsens, some ryokans and the occasional Air BnB don’t allow under 12s. In gender-separated onsens (hot springs), boys can accompany their mothers in the female section up to and including the age of 7.
• You may find the onsen is quickly vacated if your children start splashing around – a private onsen may be the best option for the more energetic.

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9. Swatting flies:

• Mosquitoes are not too much of an issue in most of Japan, irrespective of the season.
• However, on woodland walks and in some onsens you can find the occasional persistent large bee or oversized fly, unperturbed by Deet. If you see swatters provided in the onsen changing room, take one and stay on guard.

10. Get off the beaten path:

• The most important tip when travelling in Japan with children is to get off the beaten path. The well-known spots swarm with tourists in any season.
• Your experience of Japan will be richer and more fulfilling for parents and children alike by avoiding the standard tourist ‘Golden Route’.
• Get a fully immersive experience by visiting the utterly beautiful Kyushu; the paddy fields and steeply rising conifer-clad slopes of the Japanese Alps; the gushing gorges, folkloric traditions and samurai towns of Akita; the lesser visited tropical islands of Okinawa; the seafood markets and the volcanic heights of Hokkaido; and the unknown coastal coves and fishing villages of Izu Peninsula’s West Coast.